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Monday 14 October 2013

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Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

by soccer_bball / 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

by highlydisgusted / 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

by AchievementUnlocked? / 10/19/2013 at 3:30am / United States / Love

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

by OutOfMyMind / 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

by collegegrad / 10/15/2013 at 11:51am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

by STOPTHENOISE / 10/14/2013 at 9:10am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

by other woman / 10/21/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 2:19pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

by U_U / 10/20/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 2:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

by notready / 10/15/2013 at 2:49am / Australia / Love

Today, I finally found a place to stay after being kicked out by my parents. The psycho owner waited till now to tell me that my bathroom door will remain locked at all times, and that whenever I want to go in there, I have to ask him to unlock it, then do my business while he waits outside. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 2:48pm / Belize (Belize) / Miscellaneous