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Monday 7 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47506) - you deserved it (4176)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

#20912578
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61595) - you deserved it (3576)

On 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm - misc - by mathgenius - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

#20910835
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41972) - you deserved it (3583)

On 10/07/2013 at 11:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46628) - you deserved it (7784)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

#20911508
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44805) - you deserved it (3897)

On 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm - misc - by Agax (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

#20912722
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49621) - you deserved it (8109)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

#20910594
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23708) - you deserved it (54837)

On 10/07/2013 at 3:37am - work - by bitch (woman) - Australia

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45118) - you deserved it (4857)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

#20917232
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45569) - you deserved it (3399)

On 10/12/2013 at 2:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

#20920258
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45314) - you deserved it (6806)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm - health - by soccer_bball (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35736) - you deserved it (6833)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

#20919140
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39572) - you deserved it (13274)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by HSampsON (man) - Niger (Niamey)

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

#20917814
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43904) - you deserved it (14347)

On 10/12/2013 at 4:28pm - love - by fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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