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Friday 4 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (3148)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

#20902940
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42048) - you deserved it (6522)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:36am - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

#20903281
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39907) - you deserved it (3235)

On 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a friend complimented me on my "smoky eyeshadow". I wasn't wearing eye makeup. She was complimenting the result of my insomnia. FML

#20904600
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39544) - you deserved it (2962)

On 10/02/2013 at 12:22pm - health - by Tired (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

#20905471
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37456) - you deserved it (7257)

On 10/02/2013 at 11:46pm - work - by sober judge - United States (Connecticut)

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

#20914908
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39785) - you deserved it (3028)

On 10/10/2013 at 7:27am - misc - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

#20906200
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45238) - you deserved it (3588)

On 10/03/2013 at 5:40pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

#20907372
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20107) - you deserved it (39622)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by vcarder (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it was my first time having a make out session with my boyfriend. I got so nervous that a few minutes into it, I had to stop to take my inhaler. This happened twice more afterwards. FML

#20909145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48985) - you deserved it (5341)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:20am - intimacy - by inhaler -.- - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38302) - you deserved it (2948)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML

#20903010
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34324) - you deserved it (4151)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48219) - you deserved it (3073)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was told there was a bench warrant out for my arrest because a notice to appear for jury duty was sent to my old address and I never responded. I haven't lived at my old address for 2 years. FML

#20903036
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39269) - you deserved it (3651)

On 10/01/2013 at 4:34am - misc - by novapine (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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