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Friday 4 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48439) - you deserved it (16272)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

#20906371
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43102) - you deserved it (2891)

On 10/03/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

#20901637
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52631) - you deserved it (2514)

On 09/30/2013 at 4:04am - kids - by meens42 - United States

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

#20902037
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21785) - you deserved it (38895)

On 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50447) - you deserved it (6810)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

#20915931
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38892) - you deserved it (4367)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:50pm - love - by CreamGravy (man) - Australia

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

#20905656
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50101) - you deserved it (5768)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

#20908021
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22442) - you deserved it (37908)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

#20911052
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34663) - you deserved it (15747)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:55pm - health - by Sadness (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

#20903481
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43717) - you deserved it (2935)

On 10/01/2013 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21328) - you deserved it (47905)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

#20909928
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50696) - you deserved it (3583)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm - love - by UHM (man) - United States



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