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Saturday 14 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

#20890032
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25519) - you deserved it (49308)

On 09/21/2013 at 11:09am - intimacy - by CandyCrushAddict (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

#20878038
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42188) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/12/2013 at 3:42am - work - by hawkwardd - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

#20875739
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36723) - you deserved it (13353)

On 09/10/2013 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50903) - you deserved it (4396)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML

#20877295
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47876) - you deserved it (7727)

On 09/11/2013 at 5:35pm - work - by natattack - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

#20881873
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42118) - you deserved it (2843)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by sleeplessinrichmond - United States (New York)

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

#20885188
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46801) - you deserved it (3899)

On 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

#20875920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50070) - you deserved it (3224)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:02pm - animals - by RoommateWanted (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

#20879898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43212) - you deserved it (12010)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by CHEERS, TUMBLTARD (woman) -

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

#20877954
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44212) - you deserved it (6794)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML



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