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Saturday 14 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

#20883448
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45497) - you deserved it (4140)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:51am - kids - by clean - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked a friend to hang out. I'm so used to people saying no, that when she said yes I burst into tears and had a panic attack. FML

#20880509
119 comments

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

#20879909
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48665) - you deserved it (5861)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend is upset with me for not wanting to sext. I can't sext with her because she adds 'lol' to everything which turns me off. FML

#20879249
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55255) - you deserved it (6385)

On 09/13/2013 at 2:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

#20880120
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48790) - you deserved it (5415)

On 09/13/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by -___- (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

#20887597
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39459) - you deserved it (3825)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by CapitolSouthSux (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

#20874035
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53213) - you deserved it (5772)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, my boss decided that we no longer have to clock out for cigarette breaks, but we do for toilet breaks. I'm the only non-smoker on my floor, and I'm getting penalised for it. FML

#20886555
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43876) - you deserved it (3038)

On 09/18/2013 at 1:48pm - work - by Anon - United Kingdom

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

#20886867
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (32720)

On 09/18/2013 at 6:59pm - work - by Sunny (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML

#20882660
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29005) - you deserved it (42309)

On 09/15/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML

#20876988
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53279) - you deserved it (4281)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, the guy I love asked me if hooking up counted as dating, because he thinks I'm "super hot," but he doesn't want "all the relationship shit." FML

#20874228
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47675) - you deserved it (5137)

On 09/09/2013 at 8:46am - love - by Renagirl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

#20880468
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45897) - you deserved it (3457)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:42am - health - by Carebeareatu (woman) - United States (Texas)



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