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Saturday 7 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (37450)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

#20866691
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34897) - you deserved it (6302)

On 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by JustAnotherFML23 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40393) - you deserved it (3150)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

#20867699
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39918) - you deserved it (4416)

On 09/04/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

#20878417
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40720) - you deserved it (6583)

On 09/12/2013 at 3:40pm - work - by sysadmin:~# rm -rf / (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

#20879598
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40066) - you deserved it (6467)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

#20874413
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44057) - you deserved it (5339)

On 09/09/2013 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

#20878650
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45983) - you deserved it (4160)

On 09/12/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by WTF - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

#20879963
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39421) - you deserved it (9827)

On 09/13/2013 at 6:24pm - work - by Volunteer (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

#20864245
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39858) - you deserved it (3173)

On 09/02/2013 at 7:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

#20865414
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46175) - you deserved it (3516)

On 09/02/2013 at 11:03pm - work - by smurftastic (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

#20874631
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42679) - you deserved it (2768)

On 09/09/2013 at 5:04pm - money - by Sean - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

#20874687
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33476) - you deserved it (18198)

On 09/09/2013 at 5:51pm - work - by anon -



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