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Saturday 7 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

#20875663
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49634) - you deserved it (3226)

On 09/10/2013 at 11:52am - money - by zcollins - United States (California)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47571) - you deserved it (4083)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

#20878136
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43930) - you deserved it (3548)

On 09/12/2013 at 8:39am - misc - by SadFace (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

#20867249
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33048) - you deserved it (10371)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment for the first time, only to see another girl walking out. I accused her of cheating with him and we got into a fight. Turns out I was at the wrong apartment. He lives next door. FML

#20881196
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20741) - you deserved it (49883)

On 09/14/2013 at 4:47pm - love - by 181999 - United States (Vermont)

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

#20877588
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47591) - you deserved it (2625)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:12pm - work - by icanteven - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

#20878799
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19146) - you deserved it (47930)

On 09/12/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by Robert - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

#20866110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37521) - you deserved it (2365)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by D - United States (California)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42432) - you deserved it (4705)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

#20869873
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (2520)

On 09/06/2013 at 3:01am - work - by lifesucks0925 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

#20874883
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37667) - you deserved it (12103)

On 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

#20880018
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39705) - you deserved it (2978)

On 09/13/2013 at 7:13pm - work - by Anonynommer (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

#20868496
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42644) - you deserved it (3127)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by IGOTIT (woman) - United States (California)



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