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Saturday 7 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

#20869348
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51107) - you deserved it (5085)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:29pm - love - by single again - United States (California)

Today, after 8 months of being belittled and treated like trash at my job as a prep cook in a high-end kitchen, I stood up for myself to the line cooks. Not only did everyone laugh at me, I got fired for causing a scene during service and insubordination. FML

#20869973
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39316) - you deserved it (9400)

On 09/06/2013 at 7:45am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse: the fact that I know she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

#20875739
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36807) - you deserved it (13385)

On 09/10/2013 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50905) - you deserved it (4396)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML

#20877295
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47880) - you deserved it (7727)

On 09/11/2013 at 5:35pm - work - by natattack - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46039) - you deserved it (5201)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

#20871127
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53023) - you deserved it (3453)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my former high school bully became my manager. FML

#20871927
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63749) - you deserved it (3901)

On 09/07/2013 at 7:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

#20875920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50074) - you deserved it (3224)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:02pm - animals - by RoommateWanted (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

#20879898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43212) - you deserved it (12010)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by CHEERS, TUMBLTARD (woman) -

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

#20863945
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43838) - you deserved it (6603)

On 09/02/2013 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

#20877954
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44212) - you deserved it (6794)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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