Choose the period

Saturday 7 September 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

by GotMyBitchBack / 09/05/2013 at 7:02am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

by jesus christ, dad / 09/06/2013 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 4:09pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 3:50pm / United States / Work

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

by NoorFML / 09/13/2013 at 9:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

by Kiddo / 09/02/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

by anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

by laundry day again... / 09/08/2013 at 9:07am / United States / Love

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

by hawkwardd / 09/12/2013 at 3:42am / Australia / Work

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML