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Saturday 7 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

#20870154
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55118) - you deserved it (6836)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by jesus christ, dad (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

#20866213
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49502) - you deserved it (2984)

On 09/03/2013 at 3:50pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

#20879453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42304) - you deserved it (7193)

On 09/13/2013 at 9:24am - misc - by NoorFML (woman) - United States

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

#20864109
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57190) - you deserved it (7244)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:49am - intimacy - by Kiddo (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57818) - you deserved it (6640)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

#20867471
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42389) - you deserved it (7046)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

#20872688
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44037) - you deserved it (3406)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:07am - love - by laundry day again... - United States

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

#20881137
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58377) - you deserved it (4884)

On 09/14/2013 at 4:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

#20867417
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52220) - you deserved it (2757)

On 09/04/2013 at 11:59am - work - by resurrected - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

#20868968
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38696) - you deserved it (5488)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

#20878038
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42186) - you deserved it (3082)

On 09/12/2013 at 3:42am - work - by hawkwardd - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML



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