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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

#20867471
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42502) - you deserved it (7056)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I found out that Cheetos are flammable, as is my hair. FML

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53965) - you deserved it (9983)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

#20858245
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60667) - you deserved it (4820)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Thanks everyone (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

#20867417
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52222) - you deserved it (2757)

On 09/04/2013 at 11:59am - work - by resurrected - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

#20859193
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46437) - you deserved it (3568)

On 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by grossedout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

#20863540
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47524) - you deserved it (3457)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:06pm - misc - by WaltTheFuckDad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

#20855277
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45949) - you deserved it (3735)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46039) - you deserved it (5201)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39346) - you deserved it (4367)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

#20860751
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42159) - you deserved it (6697)

On 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by no life to fuck :/ (man) - United States (California)

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

#20861368
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50209) - you deserved it (4106)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by nevercatchabreak - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

#20862012
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43261) - you deserved it (3880)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Akershus)



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