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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48870) - you deserved it (11991)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

#20858539
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52016) - you deserved it (2798)

On 08/28/2013 at 10:21pm - love - by marryinghimanyway (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45123) - you deserved it (4977)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

#20864106
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43491) - you deserved it (8588)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:47am - health - by Jasmine_smilee - United States (Oregon)

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46618) - you deserved it (7825)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44358) - you deserved it (3298)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

#20859399
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46061) - you deserved it (3551)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

#20857413
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38213) - you deserved it (3380)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:48am - misc - by Grandmas lost it - United States (New York)

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

#20860109
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42755) - you deserved it (15214)

On 08/30/2013 at 8:33am - misc - by charlieg9 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

#20855620
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43250) - you deserved it (4828)

On 08/26/2013 at 8:22pm - work - by gunnerdog (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

#20858870
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39683) - you deserved it (4368)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:39am - misc - by oD_Ronan (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

#20859830
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48123) - you deserved it (2694)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:33am - work - by pizza girl - United States (Mississippi)



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