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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48130) - you deserved it (3321)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61502) - you deserved it (6640)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51765) - you deserved it (5168)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28259) - you deserved it (42335)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out someone has a crush on me. Normally I'd be fine with this, if it weren't for that fact that this guy informed me that he has collected pictures of me since the third grade. I'm turning 23 in two weeks. FML

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

#20866213
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49503) - you deserved it (2984)

On 09/03/2013 at 3:50pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

#20857695
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40611) - you deserved it (3317)

On 08/28/2013 at 9:25am - misc - by AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse -

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24126) - you deserved it (34565) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

#20864109
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57195) - you deserved it (7245)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:49am - intimacy - by Kiddo (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML



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