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Wednesday 21 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49745) - you deserved it (9285)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I bid on an item on eBay, only to find the exact item I wanted later while out in the city. I bought it, assuming I would be outbid, as always. Nope. FML

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

#20847659
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (5376)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:08am - misc - by shut_up (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

#20851748
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39075) - you deserved it (7457)

On 08/24/2013 at 1:28am - health - by HannahBretts - United States (California)

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

#20854169
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38676) - you deserved it (3355)

On 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm - misc - by etgohome (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

#20854612
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38706) - you deserved it (15381)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:52am - love - by scorned_jacketless_lady (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

#20855277
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42720) - you deserved it (3436)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by ocdistheworst (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

#20847442
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37255) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/21/2013 at 3:18am - misc - by verydepressed - Russian Federation (Tomsk)

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

#20844855
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42593) - you deserved it (8340)

On 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by insensitive prick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

#20857349
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45215) - you deserved it (3323)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML



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