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Sunday 18 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

#20836449
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53988) - you deserved it (6543)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54267) - you deserved it (7280)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

#20849713
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45779) - you deserved it (14804)

On 08/22/2013 at 6:45pm - animals - by violated ._. (woman) - United States

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

#20838310
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (47184)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Aly - United States (California)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59051) - you deserved it (5382)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

#20850669
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46915) - you deserved it (11772)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

#20839746
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55649) - you deserved it (3300)

On 08/16/2013 at 1:02am - kids - by justwantingtohelp - United States (Michigan)

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

#20840603
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55150) - you deserved it (6070)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52275) - you deserved it (18580)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42171) - you deserved it (25143)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56979) - you deserved it (3597)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

#20845941
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44703) - you deserved it (4272)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

#20835283
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48784) - you deserved it (4868)

On 08/13/2013 at 11:36am - work - by skaterboy - Canada (Alberta)



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