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Wednesday 14 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

#20834187
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41698) - you deserved it (7821)

On 08/12/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by wildwonder808 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML

#20840431
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25598) - you deserved it (42777)

On 08/16/2013 at 2:41pm - animals - by fUcKOAHdSAjl (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

#20843350
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41456) - you deserved it (16226)

On 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

#20841455
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48454) - you deserved it (7768)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

#20836611
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35592) - you deserved it (3778)

On 08/14/2013 at 2:41am - misc - by HoratioNo (man) - United States (California)

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

#20847659
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47115) - you deserved it (5608)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:08am - misc - by shut_up (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

#20835243
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41594) - you deserved it (5228)

On 08/13/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by martyn28 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50603) - you deserved it (4099)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

#20835961
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42507) - you deserved it (3442)

On 08/13/2013 at 8:08pm - money - by What. - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

#20838443
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54240) - you deserved it (3296)

On 08/15/2013 at 7:28am - love - by Rachel8896 - United States (Washington)

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20843576
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43334) - you deserved it (4791)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by FMLdude - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

#20838395
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55009) - you deserved it (4013)

On 08/15/2013 at 5:47am - work - by bglenney - United States (California)



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