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Wednesday 14 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

#20841635
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57619) - you deserved it (4855)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by fsfs (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

#20837021
190 comments

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

#20846451
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55185) - you deserved it (6184)

On 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by aly55a_mariie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76179) - you deserved it (4238)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52359) - you deserved it (3137)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

#20838310
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29002) - you deserved it (45041)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Aly - United States (California)

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50704) - you deserved it (3255)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48870) - you deserved it (2718)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

#20841540
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59705) - you deserved it (6922)

On 08/17/2013 at 10:18am - love - by why - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50804) - you deserved it (18100)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50697) - you deserved it (6816)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)



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