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Sunday 11 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

#20832277
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51136) - you deserved it (5569)

On 08/11/2013 at 2:11pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48267) - you deserved it (3916)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

#20822322
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44357) - you deserved it (6274)

On 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm - animals - by traumatizedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

#20830424
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47919) - you deserved it (11246)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:48am - love - by fml (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

#20832150
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34141) - you deserved it (5130)

On 08/11/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by -__- (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

#20835243
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38549) - you deserved it (4858)

On 08/13/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by martyn28 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

#20843729
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44266) - you deserved it (3802)

On 08/18/2013 at 9:36pm - misc - by Having a pretty sister sucks. - United States (Texas)

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

#20835961
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39191) - you deserved it (3122)

On 08/13/2013 at 8:08pm - money - by What. - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47644) - you deserved it (17788)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20843576
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40810) - you deserved it (4523)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by FMLdude - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend only has sex with me to get me to shut up. FML

#20827840
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46168) - you deserved it (19600)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by blissful oblivion (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

#20833743
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28453) - you deserved it (39870)

On 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm - work - by master baiter - United States (New York)

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

#20838395
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52322) - you deserved it (3753)

On 08/15/2013 at 5:47am - work - by bglenney - United States (California)



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