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Sunday 11 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

#20835321
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50603) - you deserved it (4099)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm - love - by hairless by death - United States (California)

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

#20835961
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42507) - you deserved it (3442)

On 08/13/2013 at 8:08pm - money - by What. - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

#20822322
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46651) - you deserved it (6549)

On 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm - animals - by traumatizedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

#20838443
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54240) - you deserved it (3296)

On 08/15/2013 at 7:28am - love - by Rachel8896 - United States (Washington)

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20843576
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43334) - you deserved it (4791)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:23pm - misc - by FMLdude - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

#20832150
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37214) - you deserved it (5515)

On 08/11/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by -__- (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

#20838395
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55008) - you deserved it (4013)

On 08/15/2013 at 5:47am - work - by bglenney - United States (California)

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

#20823799
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50599) - you deserved it (6458)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by stillembarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

#20833743
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29917) - you deserved it (42065)

On 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm - work - by master baiter - United States (New York)

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

#20822120
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55632) - you deserved it (15723)

On 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

#20840549
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45074) - you deserved it (7414)

On 08/16/2013 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

#20834278
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45520) - you deserved it (5037)

On 08/12/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

#20829508
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46176) - you deserved it (7226)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:17pm - work - by fired (man) -



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