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Sunday 11 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47723) - you deserved it (3023)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53418) - you deserved it (4844)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

#20836449
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48434) - you deserved it (5938)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

#20835942
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45693) - you deserved it (16290)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

#20822450
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47637) - you deserved it (4304)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by NO NO NO (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

#20828908
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46543) - you deserved it (3806)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54303) - you deserved it (4727)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

#20831608
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21638) - you deserved it (57300)

On 08/11/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

#20841540
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53149) - you deserved it (5833)

On 08/17/2013 at 10:18am - love - by why - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

#20839746
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50122) - you deserved it (2880)

On 08/16/2013 at 1:02am - kids - by justwantingtohelp - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45690) - you deserved it (2487)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

#20829596
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40048) - you deserved it (6767)

On 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47151) - you deserved it (38756)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt



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