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Sunday 21 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

#20801095
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22919) - you deserved it (47741)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56368) - you deserved it (9341)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57379) - you deserved it (6801)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39038) - you deserved it (18612)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53499) - you deserved it (4077)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

#20790160
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48608) - you deserved it (6228)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:53am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

#20802342
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55328) - you deserved it (3349)

On 07/25/2013 at 1:47am - love - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

#20806393
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44809) - you deserved it (7909)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45733) - you deserved it (13583)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28430) - you deserved it (50593)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

#20802256
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37565) - you deserved it (4549)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:44am - work - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49166) - you deserved it (9449)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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