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Sunday 21 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54777) - you deserved it (6482)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36812) - you deserved it (17604)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

#20790691
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42989) - you deserved it (3270)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm - work - by no new apartment for me (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49125) - you deserved it (3718)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

#20802342
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51013) - you deserved it (2676)

On 07/25/2013 at 1:47am - love - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
118 comments

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

#20790160
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46410) - you deserved it (5947)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:53am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

#20802256
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35812) - you deserved it (4388)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:44am - work - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44293) - you deserved it (8202)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53512) - you deserved it (8898)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

#20788974
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51293) - you deserved it (15828)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by WasntMe - United States

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

#20798680
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33870) - you deserved it (2737)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:23am - work - by Irreverend (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41308) - you deserved it (7872)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa



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