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Sunday 21 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46689) - you deserved it (26084)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

#20798770
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72874) - you deserved it (4427)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:17am - intimacy - by amanda (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

Today, I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food. After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down towards his crotch. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to my scrotum because it gets sweaty and sticks to my leg." FML

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

#20804466
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55787) - you deserved it (18126)

On 07/26/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

#20795083
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56231) - you deserved it (4415)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

#20800901
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66714) - you deserved it (5788)

On 07/24/2013 at 7:50am - intimacy - by Iamdisappointed (woman) - Sweden (Dalarnas Lan)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

#20784153
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54050) - you deserved it (3743)

On 07/15/2013 at 12:47pm - love - by leeceetaylor99 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

#20788139
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71362) - you deserved it (4188)

On 07/17/2013 at 10:20am - misc - by ilivehere (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

#20792109
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51631) - you deserved it (25670)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

#20806393
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48307) - you deserved it (8480)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland



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