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Tuesday 16 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59951) - you deserved it (12917)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

#20792109
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50086) - you deserved it (24833)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

#20788974
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57022) - you deserved it (17825)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by WasntMe - United States

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29353) - you deserved it (52228)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

#20790014
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49952) - you deserved it (3430)

On 07/18/2013 at 5:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

#20799401
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59742) - you deserved it (5781)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by MenstruallyFrustrated - United States (Arizona)

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

#20790198
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56497) - you deserved it (4243)

On 07/18/2013 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59410) - you deserved it (7023)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

#20792358
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52737) - you deserved it (3909)

On 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

#20794407
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47813) - you deserved it (3748)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

#20797604
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53615) - you deserved it (4082)

On 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by nowimbroketoo (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

#20798680
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37740) - you deserved it (3352)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:23am - work - by Irreverend (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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