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Tuesday 9 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43137) - you deserved it (8856)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62119) - you deserved it (13045)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

#20786008
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35653) - you deserved it (6828)

On 07/16/2013 at 8:01am - misc - by muffin (woman) - Austria

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

#20786950
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48678) - you deserved it (3633)

On 07/16/2013 at 7:41pm - love - by hannahisacooler (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53045) - you deserved it (3414)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53855) - you deserved it (3733)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

#20779010
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43254) - you deserved it (10290)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:37am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46379) - you deserved it (4432)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I found out how easy it is for people to get into my flat when I found bailiffs in my kitchen at 9am. They had picked the lock to look for someone who doesn't live at my address, but at least had the courtesy to tell me how to make my home more secure. FML

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

#20781242
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47869) - you deserved it (3271)

On 07/14/2013 at 12:32am - health - by Upset Mommy - United States

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

#20771105
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36769) - you deserved it (3517)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:26pm - animals - by Zoey_M - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

#20782878
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38417) - you deserved it (4846)

On 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, cornered me in the kitchen and called the cops. My crime? Robbery, of my own house. FML

#20786208
64 comments


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