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Tuesday 9 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47243) - you deserved it (6142)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

#20779978
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67241) - you deserved it (3917)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:33pm - love - by fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

#20775505
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58265) - you deserved it (3692)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:20am - work - by shouldbehappyiguess (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

#20782670
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61343) - you deserved it (3081)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by thatsfine (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

#20777975
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56323) - you deserved it (6535)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by Suomynona (man) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55662) - you deserved it (3692)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52468) - you deserved it (21202)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

#20781390
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43795) - you deserved it (3764)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:35am - health - by coughcough - United States

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

#20770510
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60433) - you deserved it (6949)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by realitybites (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44668) - you deserved it (6718)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

#20771661
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48757) - you deserved it (4606)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:38am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44285) - you deserved it (5557)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

#20777070
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49362) - you deserved it (13976)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)



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