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Monday 8 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92414) - you deserved it (10329)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

#20770545
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27246) - you deserved it (61212)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm - love - by Erica (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

#20777059
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60733) - you deserved it (10395)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML

#20782097
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41975) - you deserved it (13980)

On 07/14/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by peniswoman (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56197) - you deserved it (6634)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46697) - you deserved it (5608)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53054) - you deserved it (18203)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73136) - you deserved it (3515)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

#20780398
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59097) - you deserved it (3531)

On 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

#20774058
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54904) - you deserved it (4986)

On 07/10/2013 at 10:18am - love - by Paige (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54007) - you deserved it (5771)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

#20779957
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25919) - you deserved it (51268)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)



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