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Friday 5 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92415) - you deserved it (10329)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

#20770545
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27246) - you deserved it (61216)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm - love - by Erica (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

#20777059
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60732) - you deserved it (10395)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

#20760666
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61861) - you deserved it (4901)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm - love - by Jenn (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

#20757181
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38767) - you deserved it (2259)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by theyre not THAT big. (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23373) - you deserved it (61151)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60818) - you deserved it (18979)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while waitressing, I had a huge party. When everything was said and done I saw the tip they left me. It said on a napkin, "You're pretty. You can't put a value on a compliment." And that was it. I wish compliments paid the rent. FML

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

#20761484
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60252) - you deserved it (3061)

On 07/03/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Nicks - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

#20761131
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49210) - you deserved it (3121)

On 07/03/2013 at 2:48am - work - by grammarnazi-forareason (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56199) - you deserved it (6635)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

#20759121
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46631) - you deserved it (11244)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by yeshehaspornaddiction (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46165) - you deserved it (9681)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)



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