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Thursday 4 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46785) - you deserved it (9267)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59932) - you deserved it (4751)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

#20775966
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26070) - you deserved it (49294)

On 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43507) - you deserved it (4571)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

#20772295
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31472) - you deserved it (46766)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by embarrassed niece (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

#20772363
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46633) - you deserved it (5198)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

#20772988
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43259) - you deserved it (5132)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by tonedef (man) - United States

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43711) - you deserved it (13503)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43814) - you deserved it (4911)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

#20776146
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46701) - you deserved it (12040)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

#20757330
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39091) - you deserved it (4985)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:49am - work - by Neveragain (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46973) - you deserved it (3316)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)



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