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Monday 1 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

#20766730
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45986) - you deserved it (6151)

On 07/06/2013 at 7:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

#20766880
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41025) - you deserved it (4269)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by StockedWithJuice (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

#20769987
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43588) - you deserved it (3654)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:57am - work - by FUCK.THIS.JOB. (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I got to explain to my co-worker again why I can't move my "vacation" so she can take hers when she wants. Apparently, in her mind, her seniority at the company trumps my due date. FML

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42963) - you deserved it (8615)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

#20762834
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25155) - you deserved it (49178)

On 07/04/2013 at 1:07am - misc - by awwimanahole (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

#20757330
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34732) - you deserved it (4229)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:49am - work - by Neveragain (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55529) - you deserved it (4333)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42107) - you deserved it (4416)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

#20757745
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16897) - you deserved it (53830)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40453) - you deserved it (4300)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

#20760145
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37809) - you deserved it (2597)

On 07/02/2013 at 5:08pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39744) - you deserved it (4176)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)



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