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Thursday 27 June 2013

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Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 1:51pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML

by kriseliz / 06/24/2013 at 12:09am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

by AwkwardPotato / 07/01/2013 at 10:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

by blahblah / 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, the stalker flatmate who has been obsessed with me since I first moved into the flat two years ago, graduated. Apparently he told everyone we are an item, because his parents and relatives were smiling and taking pictures of me from their seats two rows ahead of mine at the ceremony. FML

by Trillian87 / 06/28/2013 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

by Nish / 07/03/2013 at 4:11am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

by LaLince / 06/28/2013 at 4:17am / Switzerland (Aargau) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

by myfavoritesgouda / 06/24/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

by ToiletTroubles / 07/03/2013 at 12:19pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found out my old DVD player is jealous of my Blu-ray player. It fell from the top of my closet and hit me in the head. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 2:57am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML

by EpicJman2828 / 06/27/2013 at 12:27am / United States / Animals

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

by unknown relationship / 06/28/2013 at 1:23am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous