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Thursday 27 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

#20753916
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50399) - you deserved it (2757)

On 06/29/2013 at 5:55am - misc - by Angry and Confused - United States (Nevada)

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

#20761277
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46526) - you deserved it (5035)

On 07/03/2013 at 5:09am - work - by melons (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

#20761555
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54047) - you deserved it (17425)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

#20750267
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44487) - you deserved it (3176)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62466) - you deserved it (11729)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49972) - you deserved it (6175)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

#20754680
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42583) - you deserved it (4695)

On 06/29/2013 at 5:49pm - love - by cheerbabeXoXo (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

#20758014
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55515) - you deserved it (5976)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45007) - you deserved it (8880)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

#20762512
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49295) - you deserved it (3248)

On 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm - animals - by nakedweddingday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48741) - you deserved it (7167)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)



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