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Monday 24 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

#20750267
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44489) - you deserved it (3176)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49973) - you deserved it (6175)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

#20754680
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42586) - you deserved it (4695)

On 06/29/2013 at 5:49pm - love - by cheerbabeXoXo (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

#20758014
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56579) - you deserved it (6067)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45012) - you deserved it (8881)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48741) - you deserved it (7167)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45334) - you deserved it (2613)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

#20751029
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38136) - you deserved it (3571)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by smh - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

#20751757
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52062) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46377) - you deserved it (8314)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47552) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States



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