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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried explaining to my mom how liking her own posts on Facebook wasn't very cool. I later logged in to see she'd added all my friends and posted naked baby pictures of me, captioning them, "Now I don't have to like my own posts." FML

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

#20750993
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43747) - you deserved it (3141)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by keiran123 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

#20751604
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43253) - you deserved it (5485)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46591) - you deserved it (3411)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61080) - you deserved it (3733)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

#20746329
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47060) - you deserved it (6191)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

#20735913
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40845) - you deserved it (5498)

On 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55837) - you deserved it (5507)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

#20736145
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52966) - you deserved it (3424)

On 06/19/2013 at 10:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

#20738351
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46841) - you deserved it (8552)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:44am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

#20739861
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26588) - you deserved it (66637) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/21/2013 at 6:18pm - love - by breeeeeh (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

#20741061
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47743) - you deserved it (5086)

On 06/22/2013 at 2:54pm - love - by talktothefacecausethehandswanking (woman) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)



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