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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47440) - you deserved it (3481)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46065) - you deserved it (2656)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

#20750993
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44396) - you deserved it (3189)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by keiran123 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

#20751029
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40824) - you deserved it (3814)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by smh - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

#20732510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17626) - you deserved it (45447)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:55pm - work - by awk1 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47694) - you deserved it (8511)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

#20731128
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44166) - you deserved it (5498)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:46am - misc - by newyorkers - United States (New York)

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42089) - you deserved it (8010)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

#20751604
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44000) - you deserved it (5570)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58212) - you deserved it (5711)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

#20747044
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43256) - you deserved it (5175)

On 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61988) - you deserved it (3791)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44517) - you deserved it (14453)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States



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