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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

#20733745
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54693) - you deserved it (8968)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm - money - by No money, mo' problems - United States

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

#20742827
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48984) - you deserved it (4657)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

#20734991
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57948) - you deserved it (4313)

On 06/19/2013 at 10:39am - misc - by Overprotected (woman) - United States

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

#20742848
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43531) - you deserved it (3963)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:39pm - love - by kittyfiddlernono (woman) - Bulgaria (Pernik)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31337) - you deserved it (5837)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58557) - you deserved it (4186)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

#20730822
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49066) - you deserved it (10213)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

#20738647
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47794) - you deserved it (4578)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

#20750267
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43545) - you deserved it (3104)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47621) - you deserved it (5898)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

#20749580
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25408) - you deserved it (46155)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by authorx - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

#20733887
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43336) - you deserved it (6643)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

#20739861
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25902) - you deserved it (65109) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/21/2013 at 6:18pm - love - by breeeeeh (woman) - Sent from mobile version



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