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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53574) - you deserved it (14682)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#20735044
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54062) - you deserved it (3413)

On 06/19/2013 at 11:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

#20744678
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54926) - you deserved it (4485)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

#20748724
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44016) - you deserved it (4816)

On 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by theunluckylifeofme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

#20730804
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38025) - you deserved it (5209)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by Idontbelieveinmagic (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

#20749135
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60730) - you deserved it (6748)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by the_lonely_life - United States

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

#20750126
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55162) - you deserved it (3852)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Guntherdog - United States

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

#20736762
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51623) - you deserved it (3378)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:35am - money - by what_the_hell (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

#20742729
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44032) - you deserved it (4212)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by welp, time to become an assassin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32725) - you deserved it (6064)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

#20733745
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54802) - you deserved it (8978)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm - money - by No money, mo' problems - United States

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

#20733111
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47675) - you deserved it (19453)

On 06/18/2013 at 11:02am - love - by Well, crap (man) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26140) - you deserved it (40633)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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