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Wednesday 12 June 2013

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Today, I was bombarded with phone calls from debt collectors. After some investigation, it turns out my grandma, who has dementia, has been going into our mailbox and throwing away the outgoing mail because it wasn't addressed to her. I'm now apparently 3 months behind in payments. FML

by redvolvo23 / 06/12/2013 at 12:57am / United States / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML

by ... / 06/16/2013 at 4:57pm / South Africa (Eastern Cape) / Love

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

by Well, crap / 06/18/2013 at 11:02am / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Love

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 9:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

by idontwanttoknow / 06/16/2013 at 7:37am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

by No money, mo' problems / 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm / United States / Money

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

by why mom, why? / 06/12/2013 at 12:59am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

by unknown / 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

by Overprotected / 06/19/2013 at 10:39am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I donated blood for the first time. I'm completely healthy and after waiting the appropriate amount of time I left, feeling fine. That is until I went out to eat with my family an hour later and passed out in front of the whole restaurant. FML

by hi_there4397 / 06/14/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

by bloody / 06/15/2013 at 4:57am / United States / Love

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

by Idontbelieveinmagic / 06/17/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids