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Wednesday 5 June 2013

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Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

by Upset / 06/10/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

by SkeetinKeaton / 06/05/2013 at 11:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

by Anoymous / 06/09/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

by Me / 06/03/2013 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid witnessing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2013 at 12:32pm / Senegal / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

by anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 12:41am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was bombarded with phone calls from debt collectors. After some investigation, it turns out my grandma, who has dementia, has been going into our mailbox and throwing away the outgoing mail because it wasn't addressed to her. I'm now apparently 3 months behind in payments. FML

by redvolvo23 / 06/12/2013 at 12:57am / United States / Money

Today, after years of training and competing, I realized that the universe does not want me to play the piano. Not only do I have hands that can fit in toddler-sized gloves, my carpal tunnel is already to the point where I have to wear a brace at night, at the ripe old age of 14. FML

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

by hopeyoushityourintestinesout / 06/07/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 1:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous