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Wednesday 22 May 2013

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Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

by pianoplayer / 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first job as a wedding planner. I'd spent a year making sure everything was right. After the wedding my friend comforted me by saying, "You had to have known it wasn't going to be perfect." I knew that it wouldn't be perfect, but I had expected the groom to at least show up. FML

by future walmart employee / 05/21/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

by Snurkles McGee / 05/22/2013 at 5:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2013 at 12:50am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

by paper towel virgin / 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML

by Tiber46 / 05/26/2013 at 4:33am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

by projectfain / 05/22/2013 at 8:28am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2013 at 3:32am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

by pixkalexi / 05/20/2013 at 4:14pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

by ChangoFett / 05/26/2013 at 2:46am / United States (California) / Work

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 5:44am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

by :) / 05/29/2013 at 3:31am / United States / Miscellaneous