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Wednesday 22 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

#20688959
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37868) - you deserved it (4392)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:39am - misc - by docwinters (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML

#20679387
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37029) - you deserved it (2992)

On 05/22/2013 at 6:56am - misc - by stillhave2years - United States

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

#20681164
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26290) - you deserved it (33205)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

#20681249
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43402) - you deserved it (4014)

On 05/23/2013 at 3:24am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

#20686906
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49822) - you deserved it (2626)

On 05/26/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by gooddeedgonebad (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

#20688903
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45986) - you deserved it (9858)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

#20675286
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46908) - you deserved it (4111)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by well okay then - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42915) - you deserved it (3161)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

#20679773
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34172) - you deserved it (12168)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by hobbit - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

#20684142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59656) - you deserved it (3964)

On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

#20675025
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43391) - you deserved it (2894)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

#20687072
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44239) - you deserved it (7316)

On 05/26/2013 at 10:15am - love - by thenewgirlfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

#20684874
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40866) - you deserved it (2751)

On 05/25/2013 at 1:09am - work - by mmmretail (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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