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Wednesday 22 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

#20675279
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39643) - you deserved it (2997)

On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

#20677848
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51387) - you deserved it (4907)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by mammasboy - United States (Illinois)

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

#20691079
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49845) - you deserved it (5192)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41149) - you deserved it (2585)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

#20687417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37012) - you deserved it (3897)

On 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm - health - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46068) - you deserved it (4041)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my math teacher raged at a student for eating an apple in class. As he yelled at the student, he slapped the apple out of his hand and right into my face. Everyone laughed, including the teacher. FML

#20693212
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50032) - you deserved it (3437)

On 05/29/2013 at 2:29pm - misc - by WTFruits - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

#20682049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44268) - you deserved it (3998)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by eric4 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

#20693277
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51062) - you deserved it (5232)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by festival virgin - United Kingdom

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

#20688959
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39428) - you deserved it (4535)

On 05/27/2013 at 8:39am - misc - by docwinters (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43695) - you deserved it (7448)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, for the fourth time this week, I witnessed my mother dancing around the house naked. Apparently, she is loosening up her "inner nudist" and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. FML

#20679387
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41485) - you deserved it (3335)

On 05/22/2013 at 6:56am - misc - by stillhave2years - United States

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

#20681164
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28309) - you deserved it (35690)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



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