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Wednesday 22 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

#20694473
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57708) - you deserved it (9547)

On 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

#20679725
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59135) - you deserved it (4963)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

#20689016
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47894) - you deserved it (8846)

On 05/27/2013 at 9:42am - animals - by Nearly Crashed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

#20677848
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54863) - you deserved it (5200)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by mammasboy - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

#20677893
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49098) - you deserved it (6881)

On 05/21/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by Time for a haircut (man) - United States

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

#20694089
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48485) - you deserved it (9535)

On 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm - misc - by paulinapo - United States (New York)

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

#20686007
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51607) - you deserved it (4675)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

#20687417
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39866) - you deserved it (4159)

On 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm - health - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

#20689207
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60154) - you deserved it (3663)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by wow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

#20685944
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46879) - you deserved it (4690)

On 05/25/2013 at 6:13pm - work - by leela (woman) - United States

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49609) - you deserved it (4355)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

#20691079
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53155) - you deserved it (5507)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44511) - you deserved it (2843)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)



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