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Wednesday 22 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63145) - you deserved it (4297)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

#20677562
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29282) - you deserved it (42315)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60056) - you deserved it (34832)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

#20686053
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54024) - you deserved it (4776)

On 05/25/2013 at 7:12pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

#20688590
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47015) - you deserved it (3116)

On 05/27/2013 at 1:05am - health - by you're shitting me - Australia

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

#20676137
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41230) - you deserved it (6515)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:23pm - animals - by catcraze - United States (Colorado)

Today, while at the movies, I had an uncomfortable amount of gas that I couldn't hold in any longer. I waited for a loud part in the movie to conceal it and took my chance. Problem was, the loud part ended abruptly. I didn't. FML

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

#20689927
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56158) - you deserved it (12300)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67664) - you deserved it (15477)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

#20693016
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23973) - you deserved it (50309)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:24pm - money - by sammarli530 - United States (Illinois)

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

#20678301
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50840) - you deserved it (3268)

On 05/21/2013 at 6:47pm - money - by LightsOut - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

#20692547
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54824) - you deserved it (11369)

On 05/29/2013 at 1:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML



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