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Saturday 11 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48209) - you deserved it (9198)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36142) - you deserved it (19317)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

#20671268
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42254) - you deserved it (3388)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by ineedayob (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55242) - you deserved it (5325)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

#20658454
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36630) - you deserved it (13199)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by walmart: first time, last time (man) - United States

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38409) - you deserved it (3296)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
79 comments

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

#20667410
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52650) - you deserved it (5519)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

#20645244
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55764) - you deserved it (4433)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:25am - work - by perfecttiming (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

#20646330
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24300) - you deserved it (48758)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by clumsy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

#20666985
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44533) - you deserved it (3271)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by earplugsplease (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50536) - you deserved it (7778)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

#20653345
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40741) - you deserved it (8018)

On 05/09/2013 at 11:11pm - health - by ZydecosGirl - United States (North Carolina)



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