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Saturday 11 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

#20650839
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42920) - you deserved it (12912)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48000) - you deserved it (3369)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

#20652571
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38642) - you deserved it (13752)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by drug testing - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I registered on an irritable bowel support group, unknowingly linking it to my Facebook wall. FML

#20666712
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38977) - you deserved it (10337)

On 05/16/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

#20666985
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44438) - you deserved it (3265)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by earplugsplease (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56504) - you deserved it (4956)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53431) - you deserved it (5174)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48098) - you deserved it (9184)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
79 comments

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

#20671268
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42162) - you deserved it (3381)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by ineedayob (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

#20656960
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55170) - you deserved it (9222)

On 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by wrongguy - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38218) - you deserved it (6689)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

#20663096
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38308) - you deserved it (3295)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm - animals - by Locked Out - United States



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