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Saturday 11 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45326) - you deserved it (12917)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54868) - you deserved it (21047)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48694) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44744) - you deserved it (7587)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

#20656847
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45051) - you deserved it (3404)

On 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

#20671062
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38925) - you deserved it (5029)

On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55824) - you deserved it (9087)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59640) - you deserved it (4123)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74572) - you deserved it (5542)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

#20663152
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45307) - you deserved it (4962)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm - love - by wellokaythen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

#20662590
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33385) - you deserved it (24245)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49114) - you deserved it (5158)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)



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