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Saturday 11 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

#20651954
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48684) - you deserved it (9826)

On 05/09/2013 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Saudi Arabia (Makkah)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54230) - you deserved it (9176)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

#20667310
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38451) - you deserved it (16824)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

#20655660
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93667) - you deserved it (5913)

On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

#20666447
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70586) - you deserved it (3935)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

#20650425
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26212) - you deserved it (52560)

On 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by Checkless chick - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

#20644793
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49567) - you deserved it (10951)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by wat_dafuq_bro (man) -

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22192) - you deserved it (39078)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

#20665284
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67657) - you deserved it (4425)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53014) - you deserved it (5616)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, while doing a fun genetics game in Biology, I found out that I was adopted. Turns out the game wasn't so fun. FML

#20661511
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58402) - you deserved it (3335)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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