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Saturday 4 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

Today, from the balcony of my apartment, I watched helplessly as a teen came along and peed through my car's open window. FML

#20634162
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45445) - you deserved it (11794)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by Sean - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60487) - you deserved it (8193)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

#20640437
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47954) - you deserved it (11752)

On 05/04/2013 at 4:11am - health - by thatonesilentkidinclass (man) - Philippines (Batangas)

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66447) - you deserved it (5408)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53928) - you deserved it (5163)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48696) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44743) - you deserved it (7587)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

#20656847
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45049) - you deserved it (3404)

On 05/11/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51075) - you deserved it (12945)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

#20638777
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69276) - you deserved it (8430)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55609) - you deserved it (9065)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)



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