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Saturday 27 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (105778)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60091) - you deserved it (13032)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53125) - you deserved it (13888)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39686) - you deserved it (17642)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61831) - you deserved it (9124)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

#20628087
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51592) - you deserved it (6383)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56492) - you deserved it (11095)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51451) - you deserved it (8806)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56959) - you deserved it (7664)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

#20620173
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27109) - you deserved it (39688)

On 04/25/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by goingtobeevicted - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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