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Wednesday 17 April 2013

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Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

by no compassion / 04/16/2013 at 6:50am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

by Reno / 04/15/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

by ouch / 04/16/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 11:14am / United States / Kids

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

by lamelifeguard / 04/19/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

by KyngJulian / 04/22/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 5:02pm / Bulgaria (Sofiya) / Health

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

by Wallz99 / 04/19/2013 at 2:00am / Pakistan (Azad Kashmir) / Intimacy

Today, I just remembered that I changed my Gmail display name to "Rice Ball" out of privacy-paranoia a while back. I've been using this same email to apply to several professional jobs. FML

by geeshock1987 / 04/15/2013 at 1:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

by Human fly / 04/21/2013 at 2:20am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

by notlaughing / 04/18/2013 at 9:57am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

by unemployed / 04/19/2013 at 8:16pm / El Salvador (San Salvador) / Work