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Wednesday 17 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

#20609750
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55739) - you deserved it (5970)

On 04/21/2013 at 9:33am - love - by jerk_ex_boyfriend - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59775) - you deserved it (5605)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57614) - you deserved it (11012)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61420) - you deserved it (6869)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61739) - you deserved it (5049)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

#20609136
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51609) - you deserved it (5189)

On 04/21/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

#20618481
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60512) - you deserved it (13791)

On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52612) - you deserved it (7402)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

#20618145
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44589) - you deserved it (17078)

On 04/24/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50181) - you deserved it (5813)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

#20603007
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55234) - you deserved it (6356)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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