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Wednesday 17 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

#20610275
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42042) - you deserved it (5893)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50434) - you deserved it (8169)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

#20607010
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55831) - you deserved it (6824)

On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69729) - you deserved it (7373)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69284) - you deserved it (12194)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69117) - you deserved it (6160)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

#20595392
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23708) - you deserved it (42639)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:01am - money - by LoLWut?? nd Why?? - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70903) - you deserved it (9353)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

#20615900
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28153) - you deserved it (40126)

On 04/23/2013 at 2:25pm - work - by hatemyjob (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65606) - you deserved it (4223)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

#20595412
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29178) - you deserved it (54232)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by no selfie for me - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

#20605608
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54897) - you deserved it (6863)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58571) - you deserved it (5688)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)



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