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Wednesday 17 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

#20607123
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56853) - you deserved it (7949)

On 04/20/2013 at 9:43am - misc - by dentedmercedes - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that the catchy Japanese song I've been obsessed with for the past week is actually about a dildo. FML

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73089) - you deserved it (12885)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

#20610275
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43632) - you deserved it (6096)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71007) - you deserved it (7474)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72987) - you deserved it (9633)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

#20595392
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25148) - you deserved it (44974)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:01am - money - by LoLWut?? nd Why?? - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68802) - you deserved it (4475)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72621) - you deserved it (6471)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

#20605608
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57516) - you deserved it (7117)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

#20615900
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29416) - you deserved it (41767)

On 04/23/2013 at 2:25pm - work - by hatemyjob (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

#20595412
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30462) - you deserved it (56573)

On 04/16/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by no selfie for me - United States (California)

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

#20617598
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52650) - you deserved it (21505)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)



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