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Wednesday 10 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

#20580594
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30212) - you deserved it (3626)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm - work - by soakedga - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML

#20591828
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34973) - you deserved it (4799)

On 04/14/2013 at 10:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

#20592535
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36843) - you deserved it (4358)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by do your own ironing (woman) -

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43081) - you deserved it (2639)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

#20597317
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31119) - you deserved it (3224)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

#20581879
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34164) - you deserved it (2486)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by MickyIsEVIL - Japan (Aichi)

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

#20580770
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13268) - you deserved it (33629)

On 04/08/2013 at 3:20pm - misc - by nosey (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

#20585552
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (11208)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by InNeedOfFriends (woman) - United States

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

#20581032
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25385) - you deserved it (6762) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/08/2013 at 5:10pm - misc - by La Guigne - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

#20587655
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37959) - you deserved it (21819)

On 04/13/2013 at 5:21am - misc - by really? - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

#20600192
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53661) - you deserved it (4549)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by wut... (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

#20582957
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25303) - you deserved it (17899)

On 04/09/2013 at 10:44pm - work - by Goldar - United States



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